Postcard from Bad Days

My mental and physical fatigue, paired with relentless neuropathy are making it impossible for me to post a real, thought out, full-length post. I can’t type much. I can’t focus. I am very grumpy and unpleasant. I’m not sleeping well. I’ve been housebound (aside from bringing my kiddo to/from school) the last two days. I have so many things I want to do, and I can’t do any of them.

Yesterday, I spent the morning in bed. I did a little knitting to distract from pain. I propped up my aching limbs on pillows and listened to silly podcasts.

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After a few hours, I thought, “Okay, mind over matter! Let’s go!” and headed to the kitchen. I had ingredients to throw in the slow cooker for dinner. It only took 15 minutes for the neuropathy in my limbs to intensify to the point that it was hard to stand or use utensils. It was a tough defeat to take. Four hours of rest got me 15 minutes of activity. Pardon my language, but fuck that shit.

Today, I am so desperate to get out and do SOMETHING other than feel awful. Here I am, showered and dressed, covered in cosmetics…

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…and now completely exhausted from doing those simple things to get ready for the day.

Unable to accept defeat again, I write this from my neighborhood Starbucks, which is a short walk from home. A yogurt and coffee before me. My back aching in this shitty chair. Fingers tingling as I type on my phone (laptop was too heavy to carry). But I’m out. I made it out.

 

 

 

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